Hello friends! 🌩️
So, I’ve always wanted to be a booktuber. Well, not always. But, I HAVE always yearned to have my own Youtube channel. Obviously, I have not yet plunged into the world of booktubing, though I dream it will happen someday. 🤞
Theoretically, if I was a booktuber, I would’ve vlogged this entire experience, but alas, I am not. But I still wanted to document this monumental moment, which lead me to coming up with this completely-unoriginal-idea-that-I-still-think-has-a-bit-of-originality-because-I-think-it-hasn’t-been-done-that-much-before. 😀
Which brings me to finally, officially introducing my brand new blog series: The Percy Jackson Chronicles! ⚡️
Now here’s the thing: before May, I’d had ZERO interest in reading Percy Jackson, cause I’ve never given a fuck about Greek gods. But it all changed when the Disney+ TV show announcement dropped, and I realized, you know what? I wanna be a part of this. (I suffered of some serious FOMO.)
(I wouldn’t be here if not for my friend Enne @ Our Worlds of Words, one of my bestest friends in this community, who gifted me the Percy Jackson box set the SAME DAY I added to my Amazon wishlist. So again, thank you Enne, I love you with my entire heart and soul? I’ll shower you with all the gifts someday 🥺)
I wasn’t planning on reading the series just yet, but just a few days ago, I couldn’t figure out what to read and nothing felt right? The only thing I found myself to be in the mood for was Percy Jackson, so I started reading the first book and…. Here we are.
It took me two days to read, and y’all, I will never be the same person again. Like, ever. This isn’t a review, so all I’ll say is: I FUCKING LOVED IT! (And I think many of you will be very pleased to hear that. 😎)
I think everybody knows what Percy Jackson is about, but in case you don’t, it’s a story about Greek gods, tin cans, a really cool summer camp for demi-gods, and a quest, following a boy who’s really funny, I will be chronicle-ing all my thoughts and take you with me as I embark on this series for the first time. We’re making history, okay?
So join me in this absolutely and completely Chaotic™️ adventure, where I present the 171 Thoughts I Had While Reading The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan, full of lots of screaming, coming upon very well-known realizations about Greek mythology that everybody knew about but me, and my shitty humor! What’s not to like, tbh?
At first I considered making this a Twitter thread (but that would distract me), and also scrapping some of my thoughts (where’s the fun of that?), so here’s the final product, and I’m crossing my fingers y’all have some fun!
Well, that’s enough rambling, let’s go, godlings, let’s go!
DISCLAIMER: I refuse to be That Person who tells all the people who haven’t read The Lightning Thief that it’s their own fault if they get spoiled, because the book has been out for over a decade. So if you haven’t read it yet, please be aware that this post has MAJOR SPOILERS, because I don’t want the experience to be ruined for you! But if you don’t care, happily read on!
1. Why is it so funny that Percy said he wants to DECK Nancy Bobofit, I’m SCREAMING JSJZ. Also, what kind of last name is Bobofit? Imagine being annoying and having such an ugly last name, like, pick a struggle.
2. Hmm, why does Mr. Brunner have so many Roman memorabilia? Send that shit to a museum, bro.
3. Is Mrs. Dodds the one that gets vaporized?? GOOD. Imagine giving the stink eye to a kid trying to pay attention.
4. WHY IS EVERYONE OUT FOR PERCY?? That poor kid just wants to listen. Petition for Mr. Brunner to get vaporized too, cause quite frankly, if you’re not paying attention to who’s listening to you and who’s not, maybe you’re just not that good of a teacher.
5. Okay well I take it back, Mr. Brunner maybe does deserve rights for coming for Nancy,,, as a treat.
6. Wow Kronos must be a clown to even fall for eating a substance as disgusting as mustard and wine.
7. WAIT, if Kronos was a titan, does this mean that his dismembered godly body parts will make an appearance in The Titan’s Curse? Can you tell I know nothing about Greek mythology? 💀
8. EYES THAT COULD’VE BEEN A THOUSAND YEARS OLD???? WATCH MR. BRUNNER TURN OUT TO BE A GOD 👁👄👁
9. “And I just couldn’t learn all those names and facts, much less spell them correctly.” ExCuSe mE, I didn’t come here to be attacked like this !
10. The gods are doing godly things with the weather, I see. *plays Rain on Me by Lady Gaga*
11. Damn, Nancy Bobofit is the reason redheads can’t really be trusted.
12. There’s no way Mr. Brunner is normal when he’s a grown-ass man eating celery not as a snack, but AS LUNCH.
13. Out of a the nicknames to choose for her students, Mrs. Dodds really went with honey, BYE.
14. WAIT IS MRS. DODDS A GREEK GODDESS WHAT IS HAPPENING???
15. Wow that was a straight out-of-body experience right there. What if that was Mr. Brunner’s spirit? Did Mrs. Dodds’ sandy, dusty self go around and zap everyone with a memory-erasing contraption a la Men in Black?
16. Percy lives in the Upper East Side?? What a Gossip Girl tease, xoxo 😔
17. “I hadn’t forgotten what Mr. Brunner had told me about his subject being life-and-death for me. I wasn’t sure why, but I’d started to believe him.” THIS FORESHADOWING!!!
18. BITCH YES I KNEW THERE’D BEEN SOME KIND OF MIST!!! And the way I was right about Mr. Brunner 😗
19. Ohmygod a 3-hour Latin exam for 12-year olds? How are those poor children ALIVE
20. Percy :(((( I wanna give him a hug, he deserves better than this :((((
21. Ohmygosh Grover admitting he has to protect Percy I’m so SOFT
22. Man, why are old ladies in books always so mean? Is it because they’re white?
23. LMAOOOOOO Percy ditching Grover, why is that something I would do 😭
24. Bruh, “I don’t have any memories of him, just this sort of warm glow” “She told me he was rich and important” “he set across the Atlantic on some important journey”,,, just look at that second-chance romance POTENTIAL
25. A MAN WITH ONE EYE??? A cyclops perhaps??? (Look at me remembering creature names!)
26. Toddler Percy strangled a snake and I can’t even bring myself to kill tiny cockroaches lmao 😭 (I’m not a demigod tho so I think I deserve a pass)
27. GROVER HATH TRANSFORMED
28. Wait Grover is half-goat that’s so cute 🥺
29. “Even if you are half barnyard animal, you’re my best friend and I don’t want you to die!” Hey who allowed Percy to be this endearing I would: give my life for him (conspiracy theory: I’m secretly Grover)
30. As much as I hate Smelly Gabe, that Camaro was pretty tho
31. WAIT NO COME BACK SALLY
32. Don’t mind me as I use ground beef as my newest insult
33. Wow this is truly unexpectedly graphic
34. HE CALLED ANNABETH A PRETTY GIRL, HER BLONDE HAIR CURLED LIKE A PRINCESS’S
35. Hello yes might I join the Percabeth protection squad already (look at me being this whipped and they haven’t even interacted properly yet)
36. Wait hawld awn is the bearded man Mr. Brunner?? 👁👄👁
37. Percy: I had dreams full of barnyard animals
Me: So Backyardigans right?
38. ANNABETH IS FEEDING HIM I’M SCREAM
39. Wait what is in the BOX!!
40. Omg but a drink that tastes just like chocolate chip cookies sounds like a dream tho.
41. HA THERE’S MR. BRUNNER! But does he actually need the wheelchair or is he pulling a Harrison Wells moment?
42. DID PERCY JUST CALL ALCOHOL HAPPY JUICE LMAOOOO I LOVE HIM
43. “She was probably my age, maybe a couple of inches taller, and a whole lot more athletic looking. With her deep tan and her curly blonde hair, she was almost exactly what I thought a stereotypical California girl would look like, except her eyes ruined the image. They were startling gray, like storm clouds; pretty, but intimidating, too, as if she were analyzing the best way to take me down in a fight.” UUUUUHH SMITTEN MUCH????
44. YOU DROOL WHEN YOU SLEEP SKSSJSJSJJDJSJS excuse me, I am Percy and Percy is ME, gotta love staining our pillows with drool 🤩
45. Not this man acting like a lil bitch when he looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid
46. Why is Grover randomly eating a Coke can HELPP
47. PERCY’S NAME IS PERSEUS SUSIAKSSJSNSMSSHSM
48. Grover asking Mr. D to respect Percy cause he just lost his mother added 10 years to my lifespan
49. Damn, okayyyy, Mr. D is a player
50. The way this book is from 2005 and the humor is immaculate, I have no choice but to stan.
51. *to the beat of Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start the Fire* GREECE STARTED THE FIRE
52. Why am I picturing Chiron as a white centaur as Donkey in Shrek 2?
53. Is there a ghosty in the attic? 👁👄👁
54. Percy: I’ve connected the dots
Chiron: You didn’t connect shit
Percy: I’ve connected them
55. Grover might be 28 but he’s still BABIE idc idc
56. THE CABINS!!! Hmm I wonder now how do people get categorized, is it my godly parent? (This is totally me grasping at my vague twitter knowledge)
57. Hold on is Cabin 3 secretly connected to Montauk somehow???
58. With all of Percy’s questions, Chiron really just goes “I pretend I do not see it”
59. Is Luke gonna be my newest crush 👉👈
60. For somebody who appears to dislike Percy so much, Annabeth sure watched him real close while he slept 😏
61. Ooh yes the godly parents!!! Look at me being proud of this very obvious guess!!!!
62. OMG EVERYTHING’S MAKING SENSE !!!! But does that mean the rest of the half-bloods also have dyslexia and ADHD or is it just because Percy was raised as a mortal?
63. HE REALLY JUST DROWNED THEM IN TOILET WATER DJSKDJSKJE
64. And that was the moment Annabeth Chase knew that she didn’t mind that mister Perseus Jackson drooled in his sleep
65. “I had become one with the plumbing” me after realizing how much time I spend reading on the toilet
66. HOLY SHIT ALL THE OLYMPIANS ARE HOES
67. Wait is Percy a son of Poseidon?? Maybe that’s why Annabeth and him butt heads so easily??
68. Percy yearning to save Sally someday 🥺🥺🥺
69. “I wish I’d known how briefly I would get to enjoy my new home.” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
70. Clarisse absolutely demolishing Percy in wrestling is such a hilarious picture
71. He’s good at canoeing this is some Peak Softie Energy
72. “Must be nice to have a useful skill” me staring at all my incredibly talented friends while the only thing I’m good at is having the perfect meme for every occasion
73. And then Percy telling Grover he has many talents are my friends uplifting me and my skills aww :’))
74. Oh Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades are BROTHERS? This is brand new information for me, pls don’t judge me
75. OH WORM THE INFAMOUS RIVER STYX HAS BEEN NAME-DROPPED
76. Ohmygod this Thalia story is so sad :((
77. Tired: stabbing
78. This has the best insults,, I mean,,,, corpse-breath worm???? A cultural reset at its finest!
79. PERSEUS JACKSON SON OF THE SEA GOD WOOOOOOOOOO
80. Oh to be Percy Jackson living blissfully in a cabin all by himself
81. Oh wait he’s miserable I take it BACK ;((
82. Is Hades the one speaking with that creepy voice from the Underworld? Also, I have the feeling Percy’s witnessing an actual real fight 😳
83. Chiron correcting Percy’s grammar is something I would do
84. AHA NOW THE TITLE MAKES SENSE
85. Wow 10 days is very little time to find a hidden celestial object
86. LAND OF THE AMAZONS???? Can I pls get a Diana Prince cameo? 👉👈
87. Highkey wanna deck whoever’s gonna betray my child!!! Also who tf turned?? Maybe Hades but isn’t he already kinda mean???
88. Aaah yes, it IS Hades, that little bitch.
89. SHE CALLED HIM SEAWEED BRAIN!!!!
90. OhMyGoD hE!!!!! cALLeD hEr!!!!! WISE GIRL!!!!!!
91. Not Percy calling Grover’s dad DADDY GOAT KSJSJS 💀
92. Grover knowing Mozart and Hillary Duff songs!!! I mean, just look at that fucking RANGE, your faves could never 😫✋
93. Omg flying shoes I want a pair !
94. Pheeeew Anaklusmos is one sexc weapon.
95. “Remarkable, really, the lengths to which humans will go to fit things into their version of reality.” EXCUSE ME???? THIS IS SUCH A GOOD QUOTE
96. Yuck, Mrs. Dodds is back 🤢
97. GROVER DEFENDING HIMSELF WITH TIN CANS AGAINST IMMORTAL GARGOYLES I’M SCREAMING
98. Did they seriously leave all their luggage BEHIND?
99. “In a way, it’s nice to know there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong.” WHY IS THIS ME BLAMING ZEUS FOR ALL THE RAIN TODAY
100. Wait is Aunty Em secretly Medusa or some shit???
101. “You’re impossible.”
“You’re insufferable.” THESE TWO ARE KILLING MEEEE
102. Not my clown ass realizing that Hades is THE Hades from the Hades and Persephone tale. GOODBY E.
103. HE ACTUALLY SHIPPED MEDUSA’S HEAD LMAOOOO
104. Grover is Greta Thunberg confirmed.
105. Gladiola just gives off very fabulous energy with his luscious pink fur. (Not me wanting to name a future dog of mine Gladiola 🥺👉👈)
106. Woah bro what was that golden lionish creature, I’m scared.
107. I do find it suiting that a Chihuahua can transform into a lion cause they do be little devils.
108. Isn’t there supposed to be some kind of mist when humans see gods in the mortal world?? I am: confusion.
109. You ungrateful WOMAN, how DARE you see the ONE and ONLY son of Poseidon PERSEUS fucking JACKSON striding out of the Mississippi like a KING and not pay ATTENTION
110. Omg that’s such a cool and unique twist on instant messaging
111. Leather that looked like Caucasian human skin? I love this song!
112. Ares is Ghost Rider, confirmed.
113. Why would a water park entrance have barbed wire? Talk about a way of driving away your target market of families who love happy places.
114. Zeus really pulled a Jamie Lannister with Hephaestus 💀💀💀
115. ANNABETH AND PERCY CLIMBING DOWN A POOL, B-E-I-N-G T-W-O S-M-I-T-T-E-N F-O-O-L-S (call me the king of rhymes)
116. Annabeth screaming her guts out is me whenever I see a cockroach, I feel so represented
117. PERCABETH HELD HANDS LET’S GOOOOO
118. Double Stuf Oreos existed in 2005???? Help????
119. The gang showing solidarity to the zoo animals added 5 years to my lifespan, but Annabeth thanking Percy made me IMMORTAL
120. Me when somebody recommends me a trashy popular book by a white cishet author: “Please. I’m not into self-inflicted pain.”
121. BECAUSE YOU’RE MY FRIEND SEAWEED BRAIN AAAAJAJSJSJSHWDKJSJSJSHSHE WHAT A BOOST OF SEROTONIN
122. Who the fuck is this traitor? I’m trying to think of someone, but Luke would be too obvious and Ares doesn’t fit the description to me, he’s just another hoe. Hmmm, Dionysus maybe?? 🤔
123. “Why can’t you place a blessing like that on us?”
“It only works on wild animals.”
“So it would only affect Percy.” HSJSUSJSJSUSJSHSSJSJS FUCK
124. Annabeth: KIDDING
Annabeth: ……or am I? 👁👄👁
125. Mr. Jackson, I seriously don’t think it’s a good idea to throw away a perfectly suitable backpack for times of peril.
126. OMG THEY CAN SHOWER NOW and stop smelling like the zoo truck
127. What if the hotel room is affecting Percy’s memory????
128. Wait this game of deers shooting rednecks?? BRILLIANT. A Concept. What an absolute cultural reset. Can somebody make this into an actual app??
129. Have 5 days already passed or some shit FUCK OFF!!!!
130. OHMYGOD IT WAS ACTUALLY FIVE DAYS I GUESSED RIGHT!!! BIG BRAIN !!!!!
131. WHO COULD IT BEEE what a mystery, folks.
132. OH MY GOD HE’S ACTUALLY RIDING THE SHARK
133. I love how Percy has killed Medusa and Procrustes at this point and he could give less of a flying fuck, you go king 🤩
134. Not chocolate-colored skin 🥴🥴🥴
135. All this time Char has been pronouned Care????? CARE??????
136. The famous River Styx has made its appearance!!!!!!!
137. Omg Charon guiding this wooden boat is literally the Phantom of the Opera right now
138. ANNABETH HOLDING PERCY’S HAND !!!!!!
139. Lamborghini for the Lord 😭😭😭
140. Wait why is Cerberus so cute uwu 🥺
141. The house of Hades?? What the fuck is gonna happen in Heroes of Olympus??? 😫😫😫
142. The third god he’s met? Why can’t I remember who else was there besides Ares !!!
143. Oh right, I forgot Dionysus 🤡
144. It’s so weird to see a Hades without blue hair sksjzjsj
145. Omg he called Hades uncle, he really took respect your elders to heart
146. Persephone is Demeter’s DAUGHTER???????????? I’m SHOOKETH
147. Is my ass about to stan Hades? Look away, y’ALL.
148. WAIT HOLY FUCK DID ARES STEAL THE BOLT???? CAUSE HE WAS THE ONE WHO GAVE PERCY THE NEW BACKPACK
149. Conspiracy theory: Hades is responsible for San Andreas and everytime there’s an earthquake in Cali, it’s just Hades being mad at his bros
150. Well duh, of course Ares wants war he IS the god of war, my braincells have left the chat
151. BROOOOOOOOO SHE GAVE PERCY HER NECKLACE AND TIED IT HERSELF I HAVE ASCENDED
152. Wow what a badass fight, now Clarisse will wanna deck Percy into actual oblivion
153. Percy: let’s FLY 😄
Annabeth: we CAN’T dO THAT
Percy: Haha jk,,,, unless? 👉👈
154. LMAOOOOOO Percy deserves an OSCAR
155. Is this an implication that the guard is reading Har- 🤢 Harry Po- 🤢 I can’t even say it 🤢
156. Funny how I joked about Rain on Me playing while it rained and now a song just like it is playing HAHSUAWHWJ
157. Zeus wearing a pin-striped suit? That’s some good sense of style right there, ngl.
158. I’m about to deck Poseidon’s ass for calling Percy a wrongdoing 😡
159. KRONOS’S SPIRIT????????? CAUSE IN THE BEACH PERCY DESCRIBED IT BEING AS IF TIME HAD STOPPED????
160. My dramatic ass is secretly Zeus, I know it.
161. YOU DID WELL PERSEUS!!!!!!! DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND ME!!!!!!!!!!! WHATEVER ELSE YOU DO!!!!!! KNOW THAT YOU ARE MINEE!!!!!!! YOU ARE A TRU E SON OF THE SEA GOD!!!!!!!!! CHILLS BITCH I GOT CHILLS!!!!!!!!!!
162. SALLY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
163. Seems like a good day to deck Gabe, the most useless of men
164. YOU GO SALLY YES QUEEN
165. This Percabeth banter eradicated my depression
166. OMG SALLY ACTUALLY USED MEDUSA’S HEAD ON GABE WE POPPIN BOTTLES 2NITEEEE
167. Fuck is somebody gonna die in the future? 😥
168. Aphrodite’s children have GUCCI SUITCASES SJEISEIWJZJS
169. Dammit I had a gut feeling about Luke and I still trusted his ass -_-
170. Annabeth feeding and tending to Percy and taking advice from him 👁💧👄💧👁
171. HE’S LEAVING AAAAAAAND IT’S OVER I ALREADY MISS HIM
And that, my godlings, concludes this blog post!
Phew, what a ride! (Pls tell me you laughed, or I’ll be very, VERY embarrassed.)
I had such a good time reading The Lightning Thief and it’s providing me a lot of pain I’ll have to wait a week to pick up The Sea of Monsters because of The Reading Rush. But I’ll be patient, because I truly want to savor every moment of this series!
Are you a fan of Percy Jackson? Did you enjoy my reactions? Who’s your favorite character from the first book? Is it too early for me to take the godly parent quiz or no? 👁👄👁
I hope you all enjoyed, and I’ll see you on the next one, demigods!